Chernobyl

Friday, April 26th was the anniversary of Chernobyl.  Below I have posted a silent film that contains original footage from recently after the reactor explosion but before people were told what they were dealing with.

 

If you are interested in learning more about Chernobyl, I suggest reading the Wikipedia page, as it will lead you to more if you wish to continue learning.  As you learn, do consider Japan and what happened recently in that country and the local and global effects of that disaster.

There are many terrible but fascinating documentaries and studies about Chernobyl and the mutations caused by it.  I have not posted those links, because the images can be quite disturbing.  Consider yourself warned.

To Save a Life, or Not?

Having been the donor for my brother's bone marrow transplant (BMT), I understand the surprise choice this man is making.  While it may seem like an easy choice to many, there is a lot of thought that goes into being a donor and choosing to follow through on it.

It really comes down to the priorities that you have in your life.  This man, obviously, values life over sports.  I'm sure many of us wouldn't mind shaking his hand for the sacrifice he is making.  Yet, it's not as simple down the road, after the BMT.

How so?  Well, BMTs are extremely risky.  My brother had the traditional 50/50 chance given to children BMT patients.  He was one of 2 patients out 6 on the floor that survived their BMTs.  From the donor perspective, you have to be very careful mentally going into the process.  You can't think "I'm going to save a life."  You can't think in such concrete terms like that, because even though your bone marrow might be a perfect match, the patient could still die.  If you aren't guarded, you could deal with guilt later on.

I was a donor when I was 11 and I remember having an official meeting with doctors and the hospital assigned psychologist.  The meeting was required because I was so young.  They needed to impress upon me that it wasn't my responsibility whether Jon survived this transplant or not.  That was a nice relief off my shoulders, but it was a burden having that thought put into mind as well.

At age 11, and suddenly you're introduced to a concept called survivor's guilt.  Not that my life was in any danger, and not that Jonathan didn't make it.  But it was a tough reality to face as an 11 year old.

Now I think about it every time I hear about a BMT.  I think about the donor.  I hope and I pray that they don't deal with any guilt should their recipient die.  At any age that would be a tough situation.  In this situation, given his sports sacrifice, I hope he never faces that possibility.  I pray for a healthy and healing BMT.

Radioactive

A current favorite song at the moment is "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons.  I must admit that I usually don't watch music videos because they only seem to be getting more strange these days.  However, I did check this one out and was not proven wrong.  A specific concept from a specific image really caught my eye and attention because I can connect it to my sibling cancer experience.

In the video there are these mostly cuddly and innocent stuffed animals (there is an evil one).  What American adult can't remember having a stuffed animal as a kid?  I'm sure there are a few, but the point is that stuffed animals are childhood icons of cuddly creatures.  They are your friends, they make you feel safe, and you even go on fun adventures with them.

Well, the stuffed animals of the video are not your average stuffed animals.  If you haven't watched the video by this point, you really should, or you're going to think I'm under the influence of something.

The stuffed animal that stuck out to me is the hero; it's pink, old, and pathetically lovable looking.  Reminds me of my old pink teddy bear I named "Pinky." (I wasn't much for creativity).  Well, this pink teddy bear is literally radioactive.  Think Cyclops from the X-Men series.  One bad look and you're toast.  Why is this seemingly cuddly and reassuring child's toy really a deadly assassin?

My thoughts went down the weird cancer road in my mind and came up with an analogy.  The pink teddy bear with deadly powers is really like some of the medication we take these days.  I was specifically thinking of radiation because my brother had total body radiation for his bone marrow transplant.

The short story is that the total body radiation is what finally "killed" the Leukemia he was originally diagnosed with.  So while radiation treatment "saved" him, it also doomed him.  His second and third cancers were caused by the radiation that saved his life.  His third cancer required low-level radiation.  Do you see the cycle of doom?  Suddenly that teddy bear doesn't look so cuddly.

A lot of things in life can be summed up in a phrase: "Damned if you do, damned if you don't."  That phrase fits Jon's treatment to a T.  He would have died had he not had radiation.  We've all realized that he'll probably die from a secondary cancer or a long-term side effect of radiation.  Unless you've lived this, you do not know what it is like to look forward to such a future.  Of course, the future isn't written, but I must remain grounded in reality and not expect miracles to keep happening.

Now you know the sword that [possibly] hangs over our heads and has for over a decade.  Each day, month, and year is precious.  Don't waste yours.

Eudora Welty Meets Give Kids the World

 Pictured: Give Kids the World

In my American Autobiography class, no suprise here, I've been reading a lot of autobiographies.  A passage from Eudora Welty's One Writer's Beginnings struck me the minute I had read it.  It was like the passage was an adaptation of a memory or a collection of memories:

In Davis School days, there lived a little boy two or three streets over from ours who was home sick in bed, and when the circus came to town that year, someone got the parade to march up a different street from the usual way to the Fairgrounds, to go past his house.  He was carried to the window to watch it go by.  Just for him the ponderous elephants, the band playing, the steam calliope, the whole thing!  When not long after that he disappeared forever from our view, having died of what had given him his special privilege, none of this at all was acceptable to the rest of us children. . . (Welty 37)

The passage sprang to life for me, because it so truly reminded me of my family's visit to Give Kids the World.  If you've never heard of Give Kids the World, you should certainly read up on it.  It's a magical place that certainly does a very good job putting on a beautiful show for the children and families that visit.  Yet, your golden ticket for entrance is no golden egg.

We stayed at GKTW because Jon had chosen to go to Disney World for his Make a Wish trip.  The villa we stayed in was very nice, the 24 hour ice cream parlor was even better.  The pools were warm and beautiful, the movie theater always had fun movies to watch.  The whole complex and all the buildings are very whimsical, even with a life size toy train to ride.  It's the place you go to, no matter your age, to forget your troubles for a time because your troubles have really been just that bad.

Welty's passage reminded me of our trip and all the other children that stay at GKTW.  While the experience in the moment was great fun, there isn't ever a day where any of us have felt staying there was worth the 'admission price' of a cancer diagnosis.  Yet, sometimes children do not realize that.  I can remember vaguely of other children being jealous of what we had experienced.  They were too young to truly understand what we had paid to be admitted.  I would have been too young if I hadn't been forced by firsthand experience.

Sometimes, when others get to enjoy an amazing event, trip, or honor, we are quick to envy or pass judgement.  I thought about the kids in the passage and how they realized they were "tricked."  We fall for that trick pretty easily and I think that is something we need to guard against.  We don't really know what has happened in another person's life to get them where they are at.  Perhaps it's not enviable at all.  Perhaps it is.

The point is to not fall for the trick, but be thankful for things and experiences you have, because they were and are meant for you.